Wednesday, August 11, 2010

New Location

I've just created a Word Press Blog located here

From now on I will be posting everything new there.

Future goals include getting rid of the wordpress and making it

but that will take some money!

So until then visit the new site for any and all future posts.



Monday, August 9, 2010

Shinin' down like Water.

It's never just rain. Showering down with mixed emotions. You can dance or you can cry. The tears just blend in anyway. So flush your skin hot. Be sure to wet your socks. Splashing in puddles muddy with life. Sending pictures of days gone by flying to collect once again. Drop by drop coming together to show you the reflection of your smile (encased by the sky above). And as beaded water collects (then fly's off) your fingertips when you spin be sure to jump in that puddle again. Send those memories soaring over and over until you've chased away that boredom.

It's never just rain. So get out while you can before that damn sun comes back.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Still Sleep

My bookcase is about to fall, leaning like that famous tower, except not so glorious. A build-it-yourself cheapo that groans and moans and complains with the weight of too many books. With one push it would topple over onto the bed. Falling right down onto where we lay. My arm is around you, your head on my shoulder. You've fallen asleep and the world is perfect. I'm trapped underneath you. And I dare not move for fear that you wake. But it's good that you've fallen asleep. This way I don't have to move and I'd need no excuse to stay.

The mattress has no frame. It just lays on the floor. And the anchorperson on t.v. is talking about some foreign war. The faint voices grow dimmer and dimmer, becoming white noise to back up your steady breathing. I give you a small squeeze and lay down my head. Closing my eyes I smile. Because I know it'll only be a few hours until I talk to you again.

Little Drifters

It's been awhile since I've written anything decent because I've been caught up in 100 words.

I apologize. (quote from deadwood)

anyway. In lieu of a sappy post to make girls fall in love with me, I'll give you something I wrote just a bit ago. Basically a childhood memory. Hope you enjoy it.

When I was younger the neighbor down the street had a gigantic pool in his backyard. Being a mindful pool owner, once a year he would empty the entire thing to clean it. This process entailed attaching a huge hose to the side of the pool and running it down to the street. Then he would turn the valve and let the water flow. The water would follow gravity from his pool to the street, into the gutters and then drain through grates placed every so often into the sewers. The nearest grate was on the corner of the street. When he hit that valve, the water flowed from his house all the way down to the end of the block. The vast amount of water created a miniature stream in the gutter for the entire time the pool was draining. Even on days that were cloudless and scorching the water flowed incredibly strong.

In my yard there used to be a tree with very interesting seeds. Looking like needles, about an inch long, but flat. There was a vein running down the middle of the seed, giving it two sides. Well, when you put these seeds in water, with an avid imagination you no longer had a seed. Instead you had a racing boat! The bow was the pointy end which connected to the tree. My brother and I would each scour the yard for the hardiest and fastest boats we could find. Running up to the spot where the water entered the street we would each drop our boats in on the count of three. Then chasing and cheering them along we would race to the end of the block!

Years of wear and tear and nature had eradicated any smooth, seamless surface from the gutters lining the street. The voyage from source to sewer was a treacherous one to say the least. Not only were there loose pebbles creating rapids, but twig dams (you had to portage over these), and wide slow lakes that spilled out into the street (either you invoked the power of god to reposition your ailing craft, or you decided erect some sails and blow like hell). Always was the fear of losing your prized boat in the turmoil that was the gutter. More than once I stopped following mine for a split second, only to lose it among the numerous other boats that were making the trip as well. Sometimes the owners of the other craft decided that the trip was uneventful when you relied on the elements alone. Ignoring cries of "Don't! or Stop!", a racer would subject the opposing craft to a barrage of missiles intent on sinking it. Rocks and dirt would rain down upon the racecourse, sending waves and debris flying everywhere. It was rare that a boat survived a direct hit.

It was not common that a boat reached the end of the trip to the sewer. On the rare occasions that it did often it would only end up spilling over the grating and careening down into the depths, lost forever. When it had made a successful journey through the perilous course, often a racer would become attached to his noble craft and attempt to save it from the fall. Hurriedly a hand would reach down, trying to grab the boat before it fell. Sometimes the boat was saved and carried to the beginning to race again, others it was lost.

One day a year my neighbor emptied his pool. Usually during the middle of summer when it was hotter than anything. So with the sun blazing down on us my brother and I raced from end to end of the street. Racing our seed-boats and splashing in the flow of pool water on a cloudless day. We raced and ran and played until the water stopped. It was unnoticeable at first. But as the flow weakened, the rapids grew smaller, the lakes became shallower, and the boats slowed down to a crawl. Until finally the once-a-year river dried up altogether. We would stay with it until its last. Playing until our boats were barely moving. And then finally, we would accept the truth. Ending our race, we would trudge inside. Exhausted, quiet, yet smiling.

It has been years since I raced those boats in the gutters. I don't even know if my neighbor still has a pool even. But I can always count on those hot summer memories to bring a smile.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

100 Words.

Recently I've gotten really into this website called 100 words.

located here :

You can go to their About section to read all about it. But basically it's a "social tasking" (coined by them, not me) experiment where users write 100 words (no more, no less) a day for an entire month. If you finish the whole month, called a batch, your work is saved. I started this July and have so far made it to Day 24. It is a bit difficult sometimes to say all that you want to say in a strict 100 word format. That's what makes it interesting.

Though my batch hasn't been completed yet, I'll post a few days here for you to read.

It's a plane ride, a train ride, a car trip away. But I can make it in a single day. It's worth the trouble, that I know. To travel from the land of snow, to the land of, um, er, more snow? I hope you smile and I hope you blush. Even though I cannot flirt all that much. The things we'll do, the list grows long. Kind of like some damn country song. We'll learn to swing dance, to sway, and to swirl. It'll be one hell of a trip. I cannot wait to show you, my Denver Girl.

With the whim of the wind I spin around again. No true direction at all. Except towards endless blue I fall. The skies around me are empty as I plunge into this sea. My mind wiped blank as I sank and sank. I couldn't think. I couldn't speak. Every effort to swim was meek and mild. In all my years I felt as if I were a child. And so resigned to my fate, I laid back and gave up on it all. The years and tears and fears. Thrown away. No more struggle and strain. I finally feel sane.

We do not know what the future holds. Obviously. All I know is what I am feeling right now. I can't promise you forever. I can't even promise tomorrow. All I can promise is that this very instant everything will be good. Because right now I feel everything so intensely. And I am going to make of it what I can. Not worry about tomorrow or ten years from today. Looking only at what is happening right now. Because these feelings are true and deep and total. And when it comes down to it, that is all that matters really.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Summer Noise

It's 8:45 pm and the game is starting. The sky is turning into my beloved cotton candy painting. And I am thinking about you. The cheers from the T.V. reach my ears as I look west. Past the trails of jets and clouds and deep into the sky. I am standing here looking, tapping the wooden rails of the fence on my deck and thinking. Worried actually. As peaceful as the colours and the cheers are they blend together into a white haze of senses. My mind is racing and this stop motion summer night cannot keep up. And I cannot type love letters for the life of me but I desperately want to try. I need to try at least once because the night is so peaceful and so perfect that it should be illegal to be alone.

I can't remember names or phone numbers at all. Yours fell by the wayside long ago.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Nothing is as it appears.

Twisted tangled wires in my head.
Nothing makes sense as we slip into bed.
we lay and we sleep, we dream and we think
we talk and we chatter, then drift into silent matter
The sheets are waves and we'll waste days
playing sailors and pirates and knights.
Trampolines are a one of a kind thing,
but this Twin sized paradise substitutes pretty nice.
Collapse in relief, smiling in disbelief.
Nothing to do but laugh the time away.
The record skips and dips and sways
as we try to dance the night over.
Except clumsiness comes into play
And we slip and fall, bouncing to the floor.
Shut the door, hide under the covers.
We'll dream up new colours
and realize that shades don't exist.
Throwing open the windows
basking in the cool breeze
we're sailing, flying, diving
9-5 is make believe.
and as we finally sink down to sleep,
the sky lightens into day.
And only then is there nothing left to say.

Then my mind is clear
For when you are near,
I have nothing to fear.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Clouded Thoughts

I can't get it out of my head. As this 2 AM fog rolls ahead. Ain't nothin' shining but these fireflies. The definition of concentration is for your eyes. I dive and dive. It's all in your eyes. It might be carelessness, that I admit. But don't dismiss me so quick. It's honest and sincere and true. What else would I offer you? Cutting a path through fields of white. Your voice carrying me through the night. Impossible, intangible, awkward, I know. Slow down my thoughts and we'll get through this alright. Your voice carries me through the night. I'll pretend and relax until it has passed. I know I can't bring time back. Emotions never last. So help me steady, help me slow. Wait till time is ready. Wait. I know.

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Thursday, June 24, 2010

Just another brick in this goddamn wall.

When the night falls from the sky and crashes among us all. The world will wonder why the stars continue to fall. Not shooting across to a distant horizon. Not disappearing into the sun. But straight down into our eyes within. Our lives will come undone. Confusion and mayhem soon erupts. We'll run and scramble, each our own. Disrupt this steady stream of comfort. Blown away by the collapse and fall.

Our mortgage, our car, our materialism will seem very far when it all goes to pieces. We'll view the world differently. So put your faith in what matters most. For the most important things in life aren't things. Love with your whole being. Love with your whole heart. Love will free you and set you apart.

Fighting hard for legal tender your life spins as if in a blender. You forget and work and work and tire. You've put your entire life up for hire. And what for? To sit and stare at pictures in a box, to lose yourself in a world you absorb to forget. To sit and dream of things you don't have yet.

Free yourself! No one else will. Don't package your dreams and set them on a sill.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Unintentional Stereotypes...

My interests have sent me along many paths... and as i've matured i've begun to define myself as a person. It's interesting though to see how these inter clash, and how I may look to other people...
walking around my house the other day, i realized that if somebody came bursting in on me right then and pushed PAUSE on my life movie, i would fit perfectly into the hippie stereotype.

for example:

I was telling my brother that I "really dig your new carpet, im amazed at how soft it is! pretty groovy man"

While wearing a crazy random (albeit modern) coloured shirt.

and faded, ripped, torn jeans which have seen to many summers

along with equally worn and torn chucks

over my shoulder was a 1979 Pentex SLR 35mm camera,

which had a retro strap with great designs on it!

In my back pocket was a battered copy of Jack Kerouac's - On The Road (read it, you'll understand why it fits)

all the while listening to Elton John's Yellow Brick Road Album on vinyl in my room!

other than my new haircut (which cut about 4 inches off) i fit the stereotypical description of a hippie.

It wasn't intentional, I just pieced myself together that day with things I liked, things that defined me.

Amazing what the world shows us isn't it?

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Racing Along

I want to follow the cotton candy sunset. Soaking in pink and blue. Knowing this is as good as it gets. Racing the power lines. A mix tape created by you, drinking boxed wine, wearing sharpie tattoos. Knowing life will be fine, going whatever speed we choose. Who cares about all the rest, so long as we chase this cotton candy sunset. And as the light falls and darkness surrounds us, we won't be scared. The brightness of the dashboard reflects the twinkle in our eyes. Our happiness is no disguise. Living the future the way it is supposed to be. Miles zoom underneath as we run into the night. Following this never ending road straight to the horizon. Reminiscent of an old western. Straight and steady, fading from sight. We'll follow the evervescent sunset into the next light.

(The squeel of the brakes, collection of empty bottles, and stains in our clothes just add character. Our eyes are not worn out and you won't believe me when I saw we are ready for the next adventure. But we are. These battered images are trails straight to our lives. Battle hardened and tired of average life. Our hearts are in plain view, it is nothing new. Trust me, you can be happy too. I'll teach you.)

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Thursday, May 27, 2010

Wildly Away

When I slam onto this pedal and the road spills out in front. Don't grab on for dear life. Don't let your head lead you into strife. Just hold my hand, let the mix tape soothe your soul, and let's spend life speeding away. We'll spin in and out of chaos, forever getting lost. Living a thousand fantasies combined. Finally smiling in this new life of crime. You will never understand what we left behind. Years of theft and hate and construction zones. Stealing our happiness away is the crime of their lives. We couldn't live and stay alive. To escape is the only way to survive. When I take to the streets and pull you behind. Follow me like you've gone blind. We'll leave the miles and miles and miles behind. That tape will lead us into the next phase of our lives. Speeding away into a fate full of crime. I only hope this fantasy is not only mine.

Smiling Dreams

We danced in clear puddles that reflected our matching yellow boots perfectly. Water splashed and fell from the skyy. Soaked in all directions, we had no choice but to laugh as we fell into each other. Drip by drip it streamed from our hair, our clothes, our smiles. We walked hand in hand pass the streams of umbrellas and unhappy faces. Jealous of our wet and careless joy the crowd of dry, gray faces parted as we passed through. Your eyes reflecting mine. The small rain shower had become divine.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Look Closer.

I view the world in rows and rows of frames. Each crack shows a tiny scene coiled in on itself. Strung together like beads on a necklace they create a wondrous view. Overall the picture is perfect. From a ways off everything is grand. But step closer and open your eyes. You see the individual brush strokes, jagged and unmatched. You see the individual tears, trying to be cloaked. You see the wealth of happiness, crushed and broken.

The lack of altruism feeds our hurried footsteps. We never realize we're in such a mess. Plastic smiles are good for a glance as we lead our hurried lives in our own trance. and I really wish that someday someone will just rest their aching minds and fucking STOP. Take a breath and look the world in its eyes. Look at the once grand light, now fading, the brilliant sparkle, now dim.

We are all broken. Each and every one of us. In ways only we can know. The holes in our lives are to large. Damaged goods more numerous than the stars. But look at us. Our happy, perfect world. Still turning. Still living.

And that's the point isn't it? Frost says life goes on. It does, it will. Our fate is sealed. So let us not be morose. Fill these holes and fix your rips. Come to grips with reality. Look closer at each frame. Uncoil the mystry and open your eyes to the problems facing us. And make them better. Sitting idly in idealistic ignorance only dooms you to a false fate. Dig deep and make our tiny cracks whole once more.

It is impossible to be irreparably broken. You just have to let hope soak in. I'll help. I promise. You have to let me. In the end we will all be happy.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

idealistic identities

in a perfect world, stickers always peel off clean, the weather man is always right, bags of chips are full, the most wrinkled dollars are accepted by any machine, markers dont bleed through the page, there is always milk for cereal, the other sock never goes missing, the perforate page tears out clean every time, the pencil lead never breaks while sharpening, all of the popcorn kernals pop, people respond to texts immediatly, someone always has a pen. in a perfect world lonliness is something we only read of in books.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Here it is... i guess.

how can i restrain this feeling that is such a pain, oh how can i restrain from living this world with nothing to say, what i see has caught me outraged, seething with inner angst, just trying to get through the day, it's all i can do to stay awake, to keep from falling off this bank, into the abyss of darkness, which in fact i helped create. yet this is the world, so have faith.

i rarely post without editing or thinking. this was typed in a rush and in "angst"

i work and work and sleep and sleep and through it all i cannot help but think, of you... of you... of you...

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Here I go again....

This is an old post, I thought I'd dig it up again as it seems kind of relevant right now. I'm sorry I don't have anything original lately... It's been a rough while.

Over my head
It's all washed away
Nothing makes sense
Drifting every day
Waiting for time
To right every wrong
waiting is pointless
wish I was strong
If life was easy
I wouldn't be here
I would be smiling
with nothing to fear
But just like pandora
There is always one thing
Hope will get me through
Happiness it will bring.

Just make sure to pick them up when they shatter. Tape them back together. Fill this empty hole and make me whole again. I'll be renewed, but never the same. Always changed, like stained glass, little of the original remains.

I can't make you hang around,
I can't wash you off my skin.
You won't remember anyway.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

You caught me by surprise.

You caught me by surprise. When I was least expecting it. I couldn't hide my eyes. So next time I'll follow Watterson in his unsurpassed wit. Instead of just stammering out a useless reply.

Next time you ask I'll know what to say. I'll do it the Calvin way.

I do Not BELiEvE iN LovE. THERE is NoNE at FiRst siGHt oR EvER. aLL is imaGiNaRY and LovE iN tHE tEMPoRaL SENSE is aN iLLuSioN. THis QuEstioN, tHEREFoRE, is MEaNiNGLEss aNd iMPossiBLE to aNSwER.

But you know I don't believe it.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Wish There was Something I could say...

Sometimes... I run out of words.
Sometimes... I type forever and delete it all.
Sometimes... I write one line and let it sit.
Sometimes... I find that nothing I write fits.
Sometimes... I just give up.
Every Time... I start over again.
Every Time... I finally know what I want to say.
Every Time... I write it all somehow.
Every Time... I finally let it all out.
Every Time... I find a way to make it work.

Sometimes I wish people were more like words. I would be able to mold and fit them to my life, my mood, my needs. But then Every Time I realize that working with words is more difficult than most people.

Sail On, On a Distant Highway...

Darkness surrounds you in the worst of times. As your speed away from the beast of your minds. Alone in this world with no one in sight. Only the stars and your headlights shining bright. Nothing to see to distract your thoughts. Nothing is different other than being distraught. Your mind is racing with the world. All because of one damn girl. And when the end meets the end, you've had all you can take. You end up making that one phone call you never thought you'd make.

It helped. And you kept on keepin' on.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

It keeps on rollin'

Written on my hand these comforting words streak across my wrinkles as the ink spreads.
It slowly dries until it is forever embedded into my skin, well at least until water erases the thought! I am not to a permanent level. Yet.
You see I am just wasting away. My time, my mind, my life. Each slow step progresses forward. Each new message only a limited relief. Something to talk about for a day. Or two. Different colours. Different ideas. Creativity at its limited fineness. Because these words only stay put until the soap sold by the big market retailer sends them spiraling down the drain.

*Did you know that the Coriolis Effect (the one which sends water spiraling down drains one way or the other depending if you're north or south of the equator) only works in large scale things? So the toilet or the sink doesn't spin different in Australia... most toilets shoot the water at angles anyway so the water spins the direction Kohler wants it to really.*

I'd rather buy my soap from 5th street I think. In my hometown I always went to the small grocery store that nobody frequented rather than the big name that we all know and love. Even when it cost just a bit more. Hell, maybe it wasn't to support them. Maybe it was just to smile at that same old lady behind the counter everytime and listen to her call me "sonny-boy" as she handed me my foodstuffs. Simply because no one else had ever called me that before...

But we live in a beautiful world. No matter where I buy my peanut butter from, or which way the water spins, or even what words I write on my hands day after endless day. It still makes me smile every time I see the sun. It still makes me happy to see someone. And even though I (personally) hate the sight of a dove. No matter where I look on this godforsaken earth, I can't help but find love.
I guess it will all work out after all!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Time doesn't wait for me.

We'll break the world into pieces. And die for a hopeless cause.
Running around in circles, wishing we could just push pause.
Picking and choosing our desires, nothing else could be higher.
We'll proclaim our loyalty in unabashed voices.
This sense of freedom is just like our t-shirt choices.
In the end we'll see that it was all just a waste of time.
Clogging our heads, filling our minds.
And yet we'll never get out alive.
Have you ever thought that maybe we cry simply because we can?
Our stance for the world is simply another mode of self-expression.
The self proclaimed importance of our lives is just there to fill up the empty space.
For without it we'd be lost.
So we fight and die for an ideal.Something that may not even be real.
In the end we sense all the madness and we'll know that it did not exist.
But it will be to late. Because of our intensity our lives will disintegrate.

So one may ask, why do I even try? If I already know that it's hopeless?
I'm wondering that myself.

Monday, April 5, 2010

I think I should be Goin'

With a laugh and a twirl you left my life in three short steps. With desperation and anxiety I hopped the next train west. Miles flew by as I sped through time. I traveled the world just to make you mine.
After all of this
Do you really think I'd give up that easily?
After all of this
Do you really think I'd just walk away?
After all of this
Do you really think I'd change?
After all of this
Do you really think I'd forget?
After all of this
We are right back where we were before.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

It's been such a long time.

a bit of unorthodox piece today. i haven't posted in awhile. most of what I have written lately i've kept hidden in the archives, simply because i did not want to rest of the world to see them... it's time to start locking down my mind i think. i let it run to freely. and I am paying the price for my mistake.

but here is something I stumbled across. it's shabby, and has no form nor style. only hesitant emotion, if you can see it.

Shards of Thought

Tenseness in my mind
whirling twirling swirling
ever constant

never to be released
except by your smile
a laugh and a twinkle
never seem to be in
short supply

except for now.
you are gone
and with you your
smile and laugh

and i have no hope
The suns rays are not scarce
nor is the peaceful wind that
i have always loved

but even these seemed to be
a cynical reminder of
the past

why am i lost
standing here alone
without you or your

without you
there is no turning back
there is no change
there is only forward, constant motion forward
and the flow will never cease, even without you
so how can i release this tenseness ?
this pressure within my mind?
pretend to sing and laugh again?
or find a replacement that
only fills half my mind

I once said to another
"It is such a relief, not to care"
but now i wonder
have i stopped caring?

we shall see

Because even when I made up my mind. Even once I chose to kill my emotions. I still looked to you when I was lost. I still sought your voice to guide me home.

we shall see.

Monday, March 29, 2010

It's true.

A moment is both tiny and vast/there is so much in something not meant to last/you smiled at me and time sped by so fast/all of life's troubles were swept into the past

I'm one of three. You don't realize how special that makes me. Maybe it doesn't mean much to you. And if so, then we'll never see this through. But I am ready.

You are one of two. The others don't count. As much as you name names, they don't rank that high. Maybe you'll never understand why. The others will never see me cry.

I dream of a place where the stories I write come true. In a city we have never known, where the only currency are smiles and hugs. Where time spent together seems to last forever and promises only matter when they're whispered.

And a day when the darkness doesn't scare anyone. A day when loneliness is a myth. No matter who you're with. Trust is key... I wish you could be that way with me.

Cause ya know babe, I've been trying to wake up peacefully.

Monday, March 22, 2010

It's not your fault.

As the bass hits your heart jumps in rhythm. Miles speed by with every rotation. White knuckled fury combines with a stiff foot as you surge forward. Encased in emptiness as the sun warms your hair. The box that encloses you hides you from despair. The glass in front becomes a blank canvas where you scribble thoughts and ideas and words in hurried, messy bits. The turmoil inside disguises everything else. Lost in your head the rest of the world slips by.
Just like the rhythm of pounding feet. Counting a cadence with each footfall. Counting your thoughts with each exhaled breath. A mind-numbing repeating rhythm. The burn starts in spots, then spreads through your body. Leaving it all behind you begin to focus. The pavement in front becomes a blank canvas where you scribble thoughts and ideas and words in hurried, messy bits. A beautiful rhythm. Lost in your head the rest of the world slips by.

I understand. Everyone is the same.

So please consider, that it goes both ways. That life will come and go. Time repeats itself in curious ways. And that we have all been there before. We will all go there again. Today is no different than tomorrow. Tomorrow no different than yesterday.Remember that it will all be ok. And when the wind blows strong, know that nothing is wrong, the world just feels like living a little. Life will be peaceful by morning.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

It can only go up from here...

Alone driving in sunlight.
Driving until you're in my sight.
Waiting to make your day.
Waiting for what you'll say.
Spending time in the sun.
Spending life with you is fun.
Climbing such highs together.
Climbing, ignoring the weather.
Looking out upon the world.
Looking at a pretty girl.
Sitting beside you, time to smile.
Sitting together just for awhile.

It's such a high to see you smile. Heads together in the dark. Holding you tight is just the start.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

It's Your World.

When you look at your life... ask yourself, who gives a shit?

Do what you want.

Steal a stop sign.
Rob a bank.
Light a match.
Burn your house down.
Run in circles.
Try to fly.
Smash a window.
Blare your music.
Hug at a stranger.
SCREAM until you can't stand up.
Fall down onto the grass.
Stare at the sky.
Throw your hands up.
Run until you're breathless.
Play in traffic.
Throw baseballs off a building.
Get in a fight.
Hitch-hike to nowhere.
Love the first thing you see.
Walk around blindfolded.
Play hopscotch in the mall.
Top 100 mph.
Skip into a movie theater.
Make someone's day.
And never forget to smile.

For god's sake just breath the fucking air and live your life!

Live Deliberately! You Are Free!

Friday, March 19, 2010


A lot of times, I'll find a line or two on the internet that hit me so hard I write about the idea and embellish them. I don't take the lines, but I work on the idea. Well sometimes you come across something that is just so perfect that you can't say it any better. To try and change this, to try and put it into my own words would be insulting. So below is a bit from Secret Vespers, a Web-Comic by Patrick Edwards-Daugherty. His website is located here

The piece that I found so fascinating is below, titled:

play music neither of us has heard...

The decade has changed us. We ride the subway like zombies, staring into space while our earplugs sing us songs we know by heart. Back home, back online, we flip through the avatars of people we have not seen in years, if ever. In text messages, in status updates, we pretend to be profound, represent our emptiness as brevity and wit, all of us chasing that high of recognition, all of us wanting our cut, our spot in the culture, our drug.

I have been grounded by fear. Any one of us could be the terrorist. And though we fight against the extremes of opinion and tactics, isn’t it delicious how the mainstream, the everyday commute, the engineered food and plastic computer are killing us? It is a quicksand, to struggle against it just swallows us faster.

All I want today is to turn the noise off, sink into a couch and play music neither of us has ever heard. I want to consign the cynicism of the world to others, and simply walk with you a while. I want to stay up all night making stories for you and forgetting them. I want a rebellion of the one real friend versus the eight hundred, of the private moment versus the public, of the things loved and forgotten against the clung-to, of the sensed and felt versus the reported.

I want to get to know you through the music you love, the books that have changed you, through your most fleeting and foolish fantasies, and through my own five senses. I want to know the you who has stayed up too late, gotten too drunk, indulged in too many daydreams out loud, and is not worried about how she comes off. When the end comes, I promise I will not care exactly where we all went wrong.

~Patrick Edwards-Daugherty

I wish I could say I wrote that. But all the admiration goes to my friend Patrick.
I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

For me, the last two paragraphs, the last line, hit especially hard. It fits.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Random Poetry...

Some more random poetry that I wrote awhile ago.

Tears of Chaldea

Who shall cry when all is done
over the hillside
away from the sun
the victors shall ride
away from the sun

Tears of agony
Tears of woe
Tears of victory over a silenced foe

Yet it is not over
in minds so deep
sleeping on clover
while their allies weep

red tinted clover
so unnaturally human
caught in the sun
sparkles with lost thoughts
that were once full of fun

and so they lay
till nature claims them
and nothing that is done
can change them

they lie so silent
sleeping on clover
the victors were violent
and none rolled over

Tears of agony
Tears of woe
Tears of victory over a silenced foe

Who shall cry when all is done
over the hillside
away from the sun
the victors shall ride
away from the sun

Untitled # 16

Without hope you might as well be blind,
Without love you'll waste away to the end of time,
But faith prevails and gives hope a chance,
giving me the courage to ask for a dance,
with it giving love a chance to grow,
so I ask this one time, because I need to know,
if you'll be mine, to help make faith meet fate,
lifting my blindness, allowing me to create
such a sight in my eyes, giving my heart such a rise,
all because of one brief chance, that ended in romance.

If we spend our time thinking of somewhere else... shouldn't it make sense that we should be there? Why limit our happiness because of laziness? If you aren't happy, do what makes you happy.


Strive for what you want. You've got nothing to lose.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

How are you?

Every time you see me you ask me how I am. Countless times we're asked this question, so often that the answer becomes automatic. Like bullets a "Good" or "Fine" is shot right back at the questioner. Never do we really stop to think about the true answer. And even if I knew most of the time I wouldn't tell you.

Well right now I do know.

Right now it's like when you go to your favourite playground from when you were a kid. And find that the swing sets that you spent so much of your life on are gone, replaced by a jungle gym. The slide that needed so much courage to climb is now a teeter-totter. And the baseball field where you had those late night pickup games is nothing but grass. It's still a playground. Kids still spend hours in breathless joy. But it doesn't feel the same. It doesn't fit your memory. You're not sure why this happened and you're not sure why you care. And the more you think about it the less you get to any conclusion. It turns into just one more thing pressing down upon your sun. The caffeine and the pills and the 12 hours of sleep stops working and you transition from the lost playground to the stranger that didn't return your hello when you passed by on the street. The friend who didn't return your call. The person you loved a year ago who lay down next to you, drawing up the future in thousands of useless words detailing every moment and bright idea both of you drowning in useless Idealism on that damn water bed where you could never sit still and this fucking bracelet which you want to burn but you can't seem to cut it off your wrist and it really doesn't matter anyway its just string yet for some reason your mind just can't stop this damn cycle and you just need to RELAX.

well... maybe it's better that we leave it to a simple "Good" or "Fine" and a smile created to disguise what's inside.

Whats Wrong with a Little Destruction?

All alone in this tiny shop of glass. I sit and gaze at the art around me. Everything reminding me of my not so simple past. Teacups and vases line the walls, with mirrors and china surrounding them all. Fragile lives teeter on definite edges. Sitting their life away with nothing to do but sparkle. Shine in motionless silence. Not even the air, in its multitude of moves, disturbs the quiet shop of glass. All is whole.

Life does not work this way. Nothing can sit in a suspended state. Nothing is perfect. Nothing can shine forever. It's not sane. It's simply an illusion of the world. It's misery.

All it takes is one breath. One wink. One hit. One push. One idea. One butterfly. Destruction. Devastation. Disruption. With one solid swing you can smash a shelf. Glass litters the floor. Another, and a teacup shatters. This shop collapses with a hundredth of the effort it took to build. Reflecting life, reflecting our world, the shop is destroyed. And it feels good.

So much is lost, all the work, patience, creativity. Nothing is left but chaos and confusion. Nothing makes sense. But it's only after we have lost everything that we are free to do anything. Through the dust a new world can be built. A better world. Destroy the nostalgic ties to your life and you will be free. Only after disaster can we be resurrected. Only after we erase here and now can we create our future.

Destroy your china shop and create your future from the dust. Only then will you be free.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Is This All Make Believe???

I could sit down and write forever. Typing away at my keyboard, pen scribbling on loose napkins at a cafe, mental notes as I ride a jerking, bumpy subway. Everyone who read my words would understand. I could convince the world I knew what I was talking about. That I had all of the answers.

But the truth is that when it comes to love, nobody knows what they are talking about.

I am not really good with words. And there is really nothing left to say.

I'll go back to writing nice things when I am in love with the world again.

Because right now,

I don't want you in.

Friday, March 5, 2010


But you gotta keep in mind that you need to

see the world in bold colours.
enjoy your fantasy, reject their reality.
take a risk for your own sake.
love with every fiber in your soul.
smile often.
laugh even more.
be content with what you have.
but strive for a higher level.
watch a sunset now and then.
buy a 4 year old some ice cream, they deserve it!
look at the stars.
hug someone everyday, you both need it.
enjoy every day.
tell someone thank you.

we all know the story called The King's Chessboard by David Birch. It is about a king that wanted to reward his wise man. The man didn't want anything, but the king insisted. So the wise man decided he wanted a grain of rice on the first square of the chessboard, and he wanted the amount doubled every day for each of the 64 squares. A grain of rice is tiny but collectively it adds up to a lot.

So finally remember to find meaning in the little things. They are more important than you think.

Receding Footsteps.

I'll watch the sky change colours. Fading evenly across the sky, receding into the night. Darkness advancing, creeping with shadows against my feet. Sitting right where you left me, watching the world silently. Stars twinkle in the last of the sunlight. Shrouded in silence I let my thoughts surround me with the coming of the night. A smile on my lips, remembering you sitting with me. Fingertips aligned, secret whispers filling the silence of the coming night. Sitting right where you left me, I watched you walk away silently. Not moving until you were long out of sight and longer still.

I never hang up first, I'm never the one to let go. I just watch you walk away and hope you'll think of me, as I think of you tonight.

But then you'd turn back and smile, for one last wave goodbye. Stormy eyes seem to shine, the sky radiates vibrant tones, and I know peace is mine tonight. The world seems brand new, hearts beat quicker still. It's never as simple as we once knew, drenched in thoughts we're swimming tonight. But your smile and wave let me know everything will be alright.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

It's been such a long time...

It's true. I do.

And I feel bad that it's taken me this long to finally realize it. Random texts when we need reassurance just isn't enough.

The other day for some reason I remembered the last time we saw each other. I can't help but smile when I remember your minute long I don't want you to leave hug.

I'll fix this. At least for a bit. I promise!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Waking Up.

I feel that the entire world, at least the mass majority of it, have a peaceful, happy mindset. We all strive for serenity in a Locke type of fashion. The stresses life puts upon us might hide this urge, in some very deep, but if you try hard enough you can find this in just about everyone. In my endless random searches through the internet I came across this tidbit which I couldn't help but share. A video which asked one question. Very simple, very easy, but in this world with all of its closing doors it gave way to enormous possibility.

The question, which was asked of 50 random people on the streets of Brooklyn, New York was one which I had to think long and hard about myself.

"Where would you wish to wake up tomorrow?"

This simple question brought smiles and fantasies in these strangers and truly showed the yearning for peace and tranquility in all of them. Watching bits like this really ensnare a sense of pathos and brighten my day entirely.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Fifty People, One Question: Brooklyn from Fifty People, One Question on Vimeo.

Another video done in London can also be accessed at the website -->

William Wordsworth wrote that the memory of a field of daffodils raised him from depression when thing got rough or as he put it:
"For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,"

For me it is things like this. The human element in us all coming out in small pieces, making us smile, making us happy.

It lets us know that,

SO !

"Where would you wish to wake up tomorrow?"

I know my answer.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

You feel it when the Dance gets Hot, hot.

I ain't got no time to grow old. I ain't got no time to take it slow. We'll be burnin soon and they'll say it was our fault. But I don't care what they say. Just go with my instincts and live life that way. They're pressuring us to live, to make the most of it. I look at them in their rocking chairs and infinite wisdom and I am appalled.

My life is here and now. I am living it. I have no choice. It's not about these rules and these social norms. It's simply about coming on up and staying on top. My top is different than yours. So what's wrong with a little destruction? How can we enjoy the mountain air with oxygen tanks strapped to our legs? I choose a different path.

We'll be burnin soon and I'll love every second of it. Let me take your hand. Turn your back to the voices, to the lights, to the world. Let me take your hand and lead you into the riot. When all the world is burning and anarchy is abound, we'll smile. We alone will be happy.

We took a shortcut. We know a secret. We can dance in the flames.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

WIll You?

When you come for me, run. Come quickly, like never before. Come raging and violent, like shouting in the stairwell. Come with purpose, like banging on my door. Come angry and upset, like the worlds been lost. Come passionate and emotional, like nothing is left. Come desperate and helpless, like it's all over. Come needy and seeking, like I'm your last chance.

I'll hear your running feet. I'll hear your shouts. I'll hear the bangs of your fists. I'll know the worlds been lost. I'll know nothing is left. I'll know it's all over. I'll know I'm your last chance.

When you come for me, run. Come quickly, I'll be waiting. Come raging and violent, I'll calm you down. Come with purpose, I'll answer in kind. Come angry and upset, I'll bring peace. Come passionate and emotional, I'll hold you tight. Come desperate and helpless, I'll keep you safe. Come needy and seeking, I'll protect you. I promise.

I'll do all of this and more. Much more. On one hand I'm scared to show you what I'm capable of. On the other I'm scared you won't come to me at all.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Let's Ignore the World.

It's all so very simple. Living life as we know it. We spend our lives in sweet monotony. It's all pretty plain. But that's ok. We're happy with that. Let's watch the snow fall inch by inch. Let water dance with sand. See the wind race through trees. In our minds life will be grand. We're not insane. Watching each little thing. Carelessly growing up in circles of serenity. Spending each second in innocence. So let's go somewhere only we know. Somewhere we can be alone.

Deviation from this life is hopeless. We just fall asleep again, to avoid it all. Or maybe I was just asleep. I knew it was a dream to good to be true. Don't tell me I was just asleep. Let this fantasy be mine to keep. But if it's true, I'll be there when you awake. How else are cheeks kept dry today? But that's just the tip of the iceberg. I'll do whatever it takes. Given the chance.

So when nightmares come alive and I'm struggling to survive. Don't wake me up. I'm sleeping in. Searching for a world in which dreams come true and the earth slows down for two.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Aching Eyes

She said it doesn't matter anyway. Words thrown round and round. Words sent through time and space. It sits there silent. Waiting. Waiting for a flash of motion to bring it to life. Sitting expectantly, anxiously. Too anxious. Aching for a spent line or two. Some kind of sign. Time keeps on ticking. Seconds to minutes to hours. Until eyelids mutiny upon bleached retinas. But you just gotta go with the flow. It doesn't matter anyway, tomorrow is a new day. Just gotta ignore the gap and keep on trucking.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Full Throttle.

Headlights reflected on the snow, the moon being the only other thing aglow. We race through the night chasing speeding taillights. Trees line our path creating a tunnel of speed. Vibrations in our bodies, smiles on our lips, there's no need to stop. So we race and careen down these limited paths, the rest of the world unseen. Faster and Faster and Faster we go, no need to take it slow. Arms wrapped tight. The world feels right.

Two squeezes is the sign, and we slow... slow... slow... no need to overdo it. We've got to make it last. A third and we stop. Silent. Alone. Together. The world encompassing us in silence. Oppressive silence covering our ears after the noise and motion of before. We sit in awe and wonder at the world. Smiling. Happy.

Then with a jerk and a nod we're off again. Fast, no holding back. Holding on tight. Careening out of sight. Living life together. Chasing speeding taillights covered in snow.

And it was perfect.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Full of Wonder

Give me the key and ten minutes alone. Let me make your day. It will be the surprise of the century. Just wait and see! One you can't see in the light. Hit the switch and watch life glow. What a spectacular sight! It'll make you smile and think of me, while hugging your pillow tight.

And the next morning I'll catch you again. Thinking your popular trends, shock and wonder at my ideas. Light up the day with your second-fold smile. As I strive for round two. Dancing in the park, upon sheets and sheets of air. Everyone will look and stare! And secretly be jealous.

Wait those thirty seconds for me to appear. No, don't wait. Let your eyes twinkle, smile, laugh, breath, live, love, regenerate. Let no amount of time go wasted. Every second will be cherished.

So when I do show up at random, don't hesitate. Take my hand and dance with me. It'll be great!

Never let a moment slip. Your life is an occasion. Rise up to it.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

She said I throw myself Away.

hey link.
in the end, everything will be ok.
if you just wait. and not worry.
if it happens it happens. if it doesn't it doesn't.

i'm not worried about it.
i'm not stressing it.
i'm not pushing it.

when the time is right it will work.
till then let's smile.
because life is fun regardless.
so let's make the most of the time we have.
and smile.

this is to the point. straight-forward.
and i will delete it after you've read it.

the world isn't so bad.

you just gotta go with the flow and make the most of it.
i'm not lettin go.
i'm not clinging tight.
i'm holdin on loosely.
and everything will be alright.

i want to still hang out.
and smile and laugh.
cause you love to groove.
don't kill that because of this.
we've still got lots to do in this world.
that includes the concert on the 20th. if it sucks, we'll leave. but we still gotta check it out!

Take it easy.

See you soon.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Time Together

Smiles directed by starlight
reflected in many ways tonight
Tracing of fingers along
listening to one certain song
A breath spent together
thinking about forever
Laughter all night long
nothing about this is wrong
Even though you're not in sight
know that everything will be alright.

There is no one here. Just you and me. Nobody is watching except the streetlights.
How perfect.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

More than you Thought.

Little things. Sunshine in the morning. Fog across the water. Smell of the air in a cool summer breeze. Strands of hair here and there. A squeeze that means more than words. Music that fits your mood. Smiles.

They are all perfect. Each in their own way.

It's little. But I hope it means a lot to you.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Random Thoughts

just some meaningless random pieces i doodled on paper. thought i'd throw them up.

Over my head
It's all washed away
Nothing makes sense
Drifting every day
Waiting for time
To right every wrong
waiting is pointless
wish I was strong
If life was easy
I wouldn't be here
I would be smiling
with nothing to fear
But just like pandora
There is always one thing
Hope will get me through
Happiness it will bring.

Just make sure to pick them up when they shatter. Tape them back together. Fill this empty hole and make me whole again. I'll be renewed, but never the same. Always changed, like stained glass, little of the original remains.

I can't make you hang around,
I can't wash you off my skin.
You won't remember anyway.

Hidden behind Glass

Imagine a box. It's a normal box. Nothing interesting about it. Simply a box.
That's me. That's all you will see. Nothing else. Except maybe my smile.

I'll disarm you with my smile.

This is how we'll live our lives. Nothing special. Just a box. Don't try to open the box. Please. Inside is more than you could ever guess. Emotions enough to fill a room, trying to get out. And don't expect to ever see those emotions. Such a whirlwind will be hidden from the world. Encased in this box. There will be nothing to see. Just a box and a smile.

The box is strong. Damn strong. Just hope what's inside doesn't become stronger. It could overwhelm us all.

Don't try to open the box. That way only one of us sees the pain.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Escaping Together

They warned and scolded us. Watching every move we made. Told us to play nice and behave. We had to listen because they knew better. But we still walked dangerously close to one another. And they gave us a talking to. The first chance we had we began to run. Running as fast as we could. Holding hands. Leaving the lights and noise behind, we ran somewhere only we know. Down deserted paths and tree-lined corridors. Escaping the world with all of its closing doors. Stealing away into the night.


Then it happened. We were alone. Laying there gasping for breath. Eyes upon each other. Only smiles were to be seen. The beating of our hearts was the only sound.
We saw the window and jumped. We dared when no one else did. We alone are happy.
They'll make a statue because of us. We're not the only ones who want to escape. Others will follow in time. It'll be contagious. Just like your smile.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Hey World...

hey world. thanks.
no. i mean it.
thanks for the sunrise,
thanks for all the highs,
thanks for everyday,
thanks for knowing what to say,
thanks for all of her smiles,
and thanks for living all the while.

Knowing what to say when life is hell is hard enough as it is. But the difficulty arises when she's staring at you and you can't sort out your mind. Rambling along leaves her behind and nothing is solved. In the end you just gotta smile and say thanks that you had even that short while.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

I can't decide.

Rule number one, Smile as you walk into the room. 3-Set with an HB, open, transition, DHV, Neg, qualify, isolate, close. Follow the routine. It's a game. If you don't win that's fine, find another set. Play again.

Fuck that.

There is no formula, no guaranteed process. It's all emotion. Hearts and Minds battle with such consistency. Every moment war rages upon every plane of thought. A look or squeeze can sway the tide of battle. Should logic or feelings surge ahead today? I can't decide which side should win.

You tell me to live it out, let emotions take hold, to take a chance. And at the same time I respond that I can't get burned. It's not just me, you have the same issue. The same struggle. One night doesn't change the tide of war, but one smile could win over my mind.

You're scared to make the wrong decision. Who knows what the future holds? All I know is what I want, but I can't ask for that. It could catch me on fire. And I promised myself I won't burn.

After all, even Bonnie and Clyde got what they had coming in the end.
But then my heart fights back, because you said yourself, "We'd make a horrible Bonnie and Clyde". Maybe I can ask after all.

Driving in Circles

Tonight the world glowed orange. Old forgotten streetlights cast an orange light upon the tired snow. I drove through the orange haze which bounced off the snow onto just as equally old and tired and forgotten buildings. A deserted city where shadows danced and twirled with the glow of the orange streetlights. No, not deserted. Asleep.

The city lay sleeping as I drove away from your sleeping form. I left you in bed, mind at ease, relaxed. I drove away wide awake, mind racing, soaring on silver'd wings.

In one swift decision my mind has become a scattered puzzle. Pieces which once fit together were thrown against the lost recesses of my brain. Nothing made sense anymore, yet it all seemed perfect. Beauty in chaos.

As I drove I tried to find the pieces, put my puzzle back into some kind of order. But they kept falling, slipping between my fingers. Only one thing was sure, only one thing made sense. I knew that in a perfect world I wouldn't be driving, lost, in the sleeping city. In a perfect world I would have never left.

Smiles shared in the past few hours are always brought back into mind when I wake up to see you sleeping peacefully beside me. Arms wrapped around pillows aren't good enough.

I wanted to turn back.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Secret Whispers

Sweet dreams are made of these. Nights spent sitting whispering quietly. The radio filling comfortable silences. Drumming with the beat, my fingertips softly against your palm. A rush of conversation followed by gaps of silent smiles. Ignoring the world encased in snow. The masses stopped short by frosty panes of glass. Inside our bubble a look and a touch tell more of a story than any newspaper article. Dark except for the reflections of the streetlights and the green glow of numerals slowly counting the time. And it is here, limited by time, unconfined by smiles, that we have truly slipped the surly bonds of Earth. I hope you are not one to disagree.

I could travel the world and back in one conversation with you.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Rusted and Fading

I saw you standing there. Alone. But you weren't lonely. Leaning up against a tree. Letting it's shade envelope you in cool shadow. Hands in your pockets, you admired the world. As I walked up to you, hesitant to disrupt your seemingly confident solace, I became nervous. In haste I looked around for something to give you. Pockets revealed lint and pennies, the ground revealed nothing but worms and grass. Until I spotted it. An old pop cap. Rusted, logo fading, it was beautiful. I bent down and picked it up, brushing the dirt and years from it's once shiny surface. I completed the journey to your tree and stood next to you. Without a word I handed you the pop cap. Taking it in your fist without looking, your smile was accompanied with a thank you.

Never taking your eyes from mine, you slid your hand into one of the many pockets on your military style jacket. Without ever gazing upon the gift you put it away for safekeeping.

I was confused. And apparently it showed across my face.
You laughed and in an instant you were gone.


Leaving me confused and alone, lonely, beneath your tree.


Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Could it all be so Simple?

I can't say things straight forward. Black and White makes so much sense until someone splatters the canvas with shades of gray. How can I pick out the right colours when nothing has any rules? Let me throw a dart and see where it lands. But then again I've never been any good at darts, be prepared to duck.

Watterson had it right. Sledding could be a metaphor for us. But if nothing ever makes perfect sense what does that leave us? Sprawled out across the bottom of the hill wondering what happened.

As long as you look back and see the fun you had during the wild ride, maybe it's all worth it.

It's a Magical World Hobbes Ol' Buddy.

Let's Go Exploring!

Sunday, January 31, 2010

It's a Dangerous Game.

Mark an X on my hand without asking. I'll draw a circle on yours in return.
Attempted tic-tac-toe will follow. But the winner is of no concern. Hold my wrist and keep me away. I'll follow you into the riot. In this wilderness there is anarchy abound. Let me kiss you amongst all the noise. Just like New Years Eve, the world will renew. Scars recede as we climb the stairs. Leaving the fires of the world burning below. The higher we climb the more we smile. Until finally on the rooftop we see the lit up world. At such great heights, with such destructive beauty. We alone are happy.

I promise you in this game I won't get burned. The only path is up, climb with me. I've played before.

My only wish is that the fire didn't hide the stars.