Look Closer.

I view the world in rows and rows of frames. Each crack shows a tiny scene coiled in on itself. Strung together like beads on a necklace they create a wondrous view. Overall the picture is perfect. From a ways off everything is grand. But step closer and open your eyes. You see the individual brush strokes, jagged and unmatched. You see the individual tears, trying to be cloaked. You see the wealth of happiness, crushed and broken.

The lack of altruism feeds our hurried footsteps. We never realize we're in such a mess. Plastic smiles are good for a glance as we lead our hurried lives in our own trance. and I really wish that someday someone will just rest their aching minds and fucking STOP. Take a breath and look the world in its eyes. Look at the once grand light, now fading, the brilliant sparkle, now dim.

We are all broken. Each and every one of us. In ways only we can know. The holes in our lives are to large. Damaged goods more numerous than the stars. But look at us. Our happy, perfect world. Still turning. Still living.

And that's the point isn't it? Frost says life goes on. It does, it will. Our fate is sealed. So let us not be morose. Fill these holes and fix your rips. Come to grips with reality. Look closer at each frame. Uncoil the mystry and open your eyes to the problems facing us. And make them better. Sitting idly in idealistic ignorance only dooms you to a false fate. Dig deep and make our tiny cracks whole once more.

It is impossible to be irreparably broken. You just have to let hope soak in. I'll help. I promise. You have to let me. In the end we will all be happy.

Sail On, On a Distant Highway...

Darkness surrounds you in the worst of times. As your speed away from the beast of your minds. Alone in this world with no one in sight. Only the stars and your headlights shining bright. Nothing to see to distract your thoughts. Nothing is different other than being distraught. Your mind is racing with the world. All because of one damn girl. And when the end meets the end, you've had all you can take. You end up making that one phone call you never thought you'd make.

It helped. And you kept on keepin' on.

Time doesn't wait for me.

We'll break the world into pieces. And die for a hopeless cause.
Running around in circles, wishing we could just push pause.
Picking and choosing our desires, nothing else could be higher.
We'll proclaim our loyalty in unabashed voices.
This sense of freedom is just like our t-shirt choices.
In the end we'll see that it was all just a waste of time.
Clogging our heads, filling our minds.
And yet we'll never get out alive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you ever thought that maybe we cry simply because we can?
Our stance for the world is simply another mode of self-expression.
The self proclaimed importance of our lives is just there to fill up the empty space.
For without it we'd be lost.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So we fight and die for an ideal.Something that may not even be real.
In the end we sense all the madness and we'll know that it did not exist.
But it will be to late. Because of our intensity our lives will disintegrate.



So one may ask, why do I even try? If I already know that it's hopeless?
I'm wondering that myself.

I think I should be Goin'

With a laugh and a twirl you left my life in three short steps. With desperation and anxiety I hopped the next train west. Miles flew by as I sped through time. I traveled the world just to make you mine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After all of this
Do you really think I'd give up that easily?
After all of this
Do you really think I'd just walk away?
After all of this
Do you really think I'd change?
After all of this
Do you really think I'd forget?
After all of this
We are right back where we were before.

It's been such a long time.

a bit of unorthodox piece today. i haven't posted in awhile. most of what I have written lately i've kept hidden in the archives, simply because i did not want to rest of the world to see them... it's time to start locking down my mind i think. i let it run to freely. and I am paying the price for my mistake.

but here is something I stumbled across. it's shabby, and has no form nor style. only hesitant emotion, if you can see it.


Shards of Thought



Tenseness in my mind
whirling twirling swirling
ever constant

never to be released
except by your smile
a laugh and a twinkle
never seem to be in
short supply

except for now.
you are gone
and with you your
smile and laugh

and i have no hope
The suns rays are not scarce
nor is the peaceful wind that
i have always loved

but even these seemed to be
a cynical reminder of
the past

why am i lost
standing here alone
without you or your
laugh

without you
there is no turning back
there is no change
there is only forward, constant motion forward
and the flow will never cease, even without you
so how can i release this tenseness ?
this pressure within my mind?
pretend to sing and laugh again?
or find a replacement that
only fills half my mind

I once said to another
"It is such a relief, not to care"
but now i wonder
have i stopped caring?

we shall see


Because even when I made up my mind. Even once I chose to kill my emotions. I still looked to you when I was lost. I still sought your voice to guide me home.

we shall see.

Aching Eyes

She said it doesn't matter anyway. Words thrown round and round. Words sent through time and space. It sits there silent. Waiting. Waiting for a flash of motion to bring it to life. Sitting expectantly, anxiously. Too anxious. Aching for a spent line or two. Some kind of sign. Time keeps on ticking. Seconds to minutes to hours. Until eyelids mutiny upon bleached retinas. But you just gotta go with the flow. It doesn't matter anyway, tomorrow is a new day. Just gotta ignore the gap and keep on trucking.

More than you Thought.

Little things. Sunshine in the morning. Fog across the water. Smell of the air in a cool summer breeze. Strands of hair here and there. A squeeze that means more than words. Music that fits your mood. Smiles.

They are all perfect. Each in their own way.

It's little. But I hope it means a lot to you.

I can't decide.

Rule number one, Smile as you walk into the room. 3-Set with an HB, open, transition, DHV, Neg, qualify, isolate, close. Follow the routine. It's a game. If you don't win that's fine, find another set. Play again.

Fuck that.

There is no formula, no guaranteed process. It's all emotion. Hearts and Minds battle with such consistency. Every moment war rages upon every plane of thought. A look or squeeze can sway the tide of battle. Should logic or feelings surge ahead today? I can't decide which side should win.

You tell me to live it out, let emotions take hold, to take a chance. And at the same time I respond that I can't get burned. It's not just me, you have the same issue. The same struggle. One night doesn't change the tide of war, but one smile could win over my mind.

You're scared to make the wrong decision. Who knows what the future holds? All I know is what I want, but I can't ask for that. It could catch me on fire. And I promised myself I won't burn.

After all, even Bonnie and Clyde got what they had coming in the end.
But then my heart fights back, because you said yourself, "We'd make a horrible Bonnie and Clyde". Maybe I can ask after all.