100 Words.

Recently I've gotten really into this website called 100 words.

located here : www.100words.com

You can go to their About section to read all about it. But basically it's a "social tasking" (coined by them, not me) experiment where users write 100 words (no more, no less) a day for an entire month. If you finish the whole month, called a batch, your work is saved. I started this July and have so far made it to Day 24. It is a bit difficult sometimes to say all that you want to say in a strict 100 word format. That's what makes it interesting.

Though my batch hasn't been completed yet, I'll post a few days here for you to read.

07/10
It's a plane ride, a train ride, a car trip away. But I can make it in a single day. It's worth the trouble, that I know. To travel from the land of snow, to the land of, um, er, more snow? I hope you smile and I hope you blush. Even though I cannot flirt all that much. The things we'll do, the list grows long. Kind of like some damn country song. We'll learn to swing dance, to sway, and to swirl. It'll be one hell of a trip. I cannot wait to show you, my Denver Girl.

07/14
With the whim of the wind I spin around again. No true direction at all. Except towards endless blue I fall. The skies around me are empty as I plunge into this sea. My mind wiped blank as I sank and sank. I couldn't think. I couldn't speak. Every effort to swim was meek and mild. In all my years I felt as if I were a child. And so resigned to my fate, I laid back and gave up on it all. The years and tears and fears. Thrown away. No more struggle and strain. I finally feel sane.


07/21
We do not know what the future holds. Obviously. All I know is what I am feeling right now. I can't promise you forever. I can't even promise tomorrow. All I can promise is that this very instant everything will be good. Because right now I feel everything so intensely. And I am going to make of it what I can. Not worry about tomorrow or ten years from today. Looking only at what is happening right now. Because these feelings are true and deep and total. And when it comes down to it, that is all that matters really.

Clouded Thoughts

I can't get it out of my head. As this 2 AM fog rolls ahead. Ain't nothin' shining but these fireflies. The definition of concentration is for your eyes. I dive and dive. It's all in your eyes. It might be carelessness, that I admit. But don't dismiss me so quick. It's honest and sincere and true. What else would I offer you? Cutting a path through fields of white. Your voice carrying me through the night. Impossible, intangible, awkward, I know. Slow down my thoughts and we'll get through this alright. Your voice carries me through the night. I'll pretend and relax until it has passed. I know I can't bring time back. Emotions never last. So help me steady, help me slow. Wait till time is ready. Wait. I know.



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It's not your fault.

As the bass hits your heart jumps in rhythm. Miles speed by with every rotation. White knuckled fury combines with a stiff foot as you surge forward. Encased in emptiness as the sun warms your hair. The box that encloses you hides you from despair. The glass in front becomes a blank canvas where you scribble thoughts and ideas and words in hurried, messy bits. The turmoil inside disguises everything else. Lost in your head the rest of the world slips by.
Just like the rhythm of pounding feet. Counting a cadence with each footfall. Counting your thoughts with each exhaled breath. A mind-numbing repeating rhythm. The burn starts in spots, then spreads through your body. Leaving it all behind you begin to focus. The pavement in front becomes a blank canvas where you scribble thoughts and ideas and words in hurried, messy bits. A beautiful rhythm. Lost in your head the rest of the world slips by.

I understand. Everyone is the same.

So please consider, that it goes both ways. That life will come and go. Time repeats itself in curious ways. And that we have all been there before. We will all go there again. Today is no different than tomorrow. Tomorrow no different than yesterday.Remember that it will all be ok. And when the wind blows strong, know that nothing is wrong, the world just feels like living a little. Life will be peaceful by morning.

How are you?

Every time you see me you ask me how I am. Countless times we're asked this question, so often that the answer becomes automatic. Like bullets a "Good" or "Fine" is shot right back at the questioner. Never do we really stop to think about the true answer. And even if I knew most of the time I wouldn't tell you.

Well right now I do know.

Right now it's like when you go to your favourite playground from when you were a kid. And find that the swing sets that you spent so much of your life on are gone, replaced by a jungle gym. The slide that needed so much courage to climb is now a teeter-totter. And the baseball field where you had those late night pickup games is nothing but grass. It's still a playground. Kids still spend hours in breathless joy. But it doesn't feel the same. It doesn't fit your memory. You're not sure why this happened and you're not sure why you care. And the more you think about it the less you get to any conclusion. It turns into just one more thing pressing down upon your sun. The caffeine and the pills and the 12 hours of sleep stops working and you transition from the lost playground to the stranger that didn't return your hello when you passed by on the street. The friend who didn't return your call. The person you loved a year ago who lay down next to you, drawing up the future in thousands of useless words detailing every moment and bright idea both of you drowning in useless Idealism on that damn water bed where you could never sit still and this fucking bracelet which you want to burn but you can't seem to cut it off your wrist and it really doesn't matter anyway its just string yet for some reason your mind just can't stop this damn cycle and you just need to RELAX.

well... maybe it's better that we leave it to a simple "Good" or "Fine" and a smile created to disguise what's inside.

WIll You?

When you come for me, run. Come quickly, like never before. Come raging and violent, like shouting in the stairwell. Come with purpose, like banging on my door. Come angry and upset, like the worlds been lost. Come passionate and emotional, like nothing is left. Come desperate and helpless, like it's all over. Come needy and seeking, like I'm your last chance.

I'll hear your running feet. I'll hear your shouts. I'll hear the bangs of your fists. I'll know the worlds been lost. I'll know nothing is left. I'll know it's all over. I'll know I'm your last chance.

When you come for me, run. Come quickly, I'll be waiting. Come raging and violent, I'll calm you down. Come with purpose, I'll answer in kind. Come angry and upset, I'll bring peace. Come passionate and emotional, I'll hold you tight. Come desperate and helpless, I'll keep you safe. Come needy and seeking, I'll protect you. I promise.

I'll do all of this and more. Much more. On one hand I'm scared to show you what I'm capable of. On the other I'm scared you won't come to me at all.

Hidden behind Glass

Imagine a box. It's a normal box. Nothing interesting about it. Simply a box.
That's me. That's all you will see. Nothing else. Except maybe my smile.

I'll disarm you with my smile.

This is how we'll live our lives. Nothing special. Just a box. Don't try to open the box. Please. Inside is more than you could ever guess. Emotions enough to fill a room, trying to get out. And don't expect to ever see those emotions. Such a whirlwind will be hidden from the world. Encased in this box. There will be nothing to see. Just a box and a smile.

The box is strong. Damn strong. Just hope what's inside doesn't become stronger. It could overwhelm us all.

Don't try to open the box. That way only one of us sees the pain.

I can't decide.

Rule number one, Smile as you walk into the room. 3-Set with an HB, open, transition, DHV, Neg, qualify, isolate, close. Follow the routine. It's a game. If you don't win that's fine, find another set. Play again.

Fuck that.

There is no formula, no guaranteed process. It's all emotion. Hearts and Minds battle with such consistency. Every moment war rages upon every plane of thought. A look or squeeze can sway the tide of battle. Should logic or feelings surge ahead today? I can't decide which side should win.

You tell me to live it out, let emotions take hold, to take a chance. And at the same time I respond that I can't get burned. It's not just me, you have the same issue. The same struggle. One night doesn't change the tide of war, but one smile could win over my mind.

You're scared to make the wrong decision. Who knows what the future holds? All I know is what I want, but I can't ask for that. It could catch me on fire. And I promised myself I won't burn.

After all, even Bonnie and Clyde got what they had coming in the end.
But then my heart fights back, because you said yourself, "We'd make a horrible Bonnie and Clyde". Maybe I can ask after all.

Wash Away My Mask

What do you want me to be. I'll wear a mask. It'll be easy. I can be Clint, I can be me. Call me Mac, it'll be easy. Let me cater to your desire, whatever you want. It's not bizarre. I just want you to know I could be anything you like.

I can be blue, I can be green. All it takes is one request, it'll happen quick. A change for you. I won't even have to think. Watch what you say or I'll change this very moment. I could smile. I could cry. I could lead you or let you fly. It's not that I don't shine through, I just want to please you.

How can I help what you think? I gotta be everything more. Turn into perfection. I know the score. So call me blue and colour me green. What's underneath doesn't need to be seen. Use me for your bliss. I know you can't resist.

But the next day after all the fun and games. It all becomes clearer as I look in the mirror. All it takes is one scrub and the illusion drains away. The sink stained with the colours of yesterday. With clear decision I'll walk back to you, so you can see what you are buying.

"Fuck everything else. Call me Ryan."